In high school AP Sociology, I lived for the clash. I sparred constantly—especially with a classmate, Stacey—about abortion and every other charged topic we could find. The projector hummed; spiral notebooks snapped open; I leaned forward, already loading my next point. I can see it now: I wasn’t debating to understand; I was debating to win. It felt righteous, even holy. But it was mostly ego dressed up as conviction. And almost two months after Charlie Kirk was killed on stage, I can see how easily my love of “winning” could have hardened into something darker.
A tragic mirror
On September 10, 2025, Charlie Kirk—founder of Turning Point USA—was shot and killed during a campus event at Utah Valley University. Coverage since then has swung between genuine grief, political point-scoring, and conspiracy-hunting. I never met Charlie. But I recognize the posture—certainty, a style built on confrontation, a pattern of “owning” moments online. I used to live there. I’m not here to dunk on him. I’m grieving the man, and the path. Let his death be a moment for reflection, not a tool for retaliation.
When conviction becomes armor
Part of what made me so certain back then was faith held like a shield. As a teenager I joined Operation Rescue, convinced I was doing something heroic. In reality, I often insulated myself from the vulnerability of listening. At home, our dinner table trained me for conflict: my dad, my brother, and me debating through meals—until sometimes my mom quietly set down her fork with a soft clink and left the table upset. I told myself, I’m speaking truth; that’s how I love people. It took years to admit how arrogant that was—and how much it hurt people I cared about.
“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate… Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
— Martin Luther King Jr., “Loving Your Enemies,” later collected in Strength to Love (1963).
That line isn’t sentimental. It’s diagnostic.
The long undoing
There wasn’t a single conversion moment—just a slow, steady unraveling. A friend who challenged me with gentleness. A conversation I couldn’t shake. The dawning realization that my “wins” were burning bridges. I started asking more questions than I made claims. I tried holding convictions with open hands. Empathy didn’t weaken my beliefs; it refined them.
As David French argues, parts of American Christianity can slip into “a strange spectacle—Christians against empathy,” where power politics drowns out the people we’re called to love. The critique lands because it’s true in me, not just “them.”
Peter Wehner puts it simply: listen to understand, not just to refute.
Why this still matters
Americans across parties now say political violence is rising: 85% believe it’s increasing, with near-identical shares among Republicans and Democrats. That shared alarm should be our starting point.
What Charlie’s story tempts us to do is harden—pick enemies, escalate rhetoric, and use grief as a power play. Resist that. Denounce violence without equivocation. Honor the dead without turning their memory into a tool. Trade performative certainty for practiced humility. Ask, What would love require here?
The daily choice
I still feel the old itch—the clever retort, the “gotcha.” But I’ve seen what grows when I resist it: conversations that deepen instead of detonate; neighbors who remain neighbors after a vote; a faith that feels less like armor and more like a well.
If I could speak to my younger self—the kid scoring points with Stacey in AP Soc—I’d offer a parting word: Winning is too small a life. Choose people over points.
“Blessed are the peacemakers.”
Not because they avoid conflict, but because they transform it.
Reflective question
When has “being right” cost you a relationship—and what would empathy have changed in that moment?
Notes & Sources
Charlie Kirk shooting & aftermath: AP, ABC, The Guardian. AP News+2ABC News+2
Political violence trend: Pew Research Center, “Americans say politically motivated violence is increasing…” (Oct. 23, 2025). Pew Research Center
MLK exact wording: Stanford King Institute; sermon text compiled in Strength to Love. King Institute+1
French on empathy: David French, “Behold the Strange Spectacle of Christians Against Empathy.” RealClearReligion
Wehner on listening: The Death of Politics.
If you’re grieving—or you disagree—I welcome your story below. If this resonated, consider subscribing for more essays on faith, formation, and public life.